Put the words needy and women in one sentence and most men will run for the hills faster than their legs can carry them. Your relationship will start out with desire but, in time, will slowly turn into you suffocating him with neediness.
Why don’t men like needy women?
Men who are in relationships with clingy and insecure women tend to suffer from a high level of stress due to the frequent reassurance they need to give their girlfriends – basically, needy women are high-maintenance.
There is no doubt that this type of behavior can have a detrimental effect on any relationship.
The fact that you will do everything and anything to make your man happy may make him believe he found his future wife – but is he willing to reciprocate?
That is usually where the problem comes in; in the beginning, it may be nice for him to receive so much attention, but what happens when you expect him to respond in kind?
You will be branded as clingy and your beau will lose all respect for – and dare we say, interest – in you.
The phrase needy women are hurled around in conversation with such disdain, you can’t help but think it must be some or other character flaw.
It’s ridiculous, she texts me a million times a day and wants to know my every move. But, doesn’t that just mean she cares?
Well, according to a couples therapist, Julia Nowland, the thread that runs through being needy and clingy is not a concern for your partner but your own insecurities.
The belief that you’re not worthy and need a man to make you feel better about your life is why you text your boyfriend non-stop when he is out with friends or constantly question their commitment to you.
A needy woman will constantly live in fear that the man she is dating will up and leave because she is not good enough, sexy enough, funny enough…enter any other insecurity here.
If not dealt with, these insecurities will fester and turn into paranoia and jealousy; your boyfriend will innocently be checking out the mags on a car across the street but your mind will automatically believe he’s looking at another woman.
We’re talking about needy meaning texting a million times a day, calling whenever you can, wanting to spend every waking moment with him (no matter that he may be studying or is trying to get somewhere with his career), getting possessive, etc.
As you can see, those aren’t really enduring qualities.
What will happen if your guy starts to read these early signs of neediness? He will most probably end the relationship right there and then or, if you’re lucky, he will make you feel more confident while setting some much-needed boundaries.
And, my dear, if you care for him and want to continue being a couple, you will have to respect what he needs (even if it is only seeing you three days a week) while working on your own issues.
See Also: What is Longing For Someone?
Why Does Your Neediness Turn Men Off?
Men are often critical of women communicating what they need. Most males in society are raised believing it is their duty to keep their girlfriend/wife happy.
If you then end up feeling needy in your relationship, your man may think he has failed.
This puts extra pressure on him to figure out what you need and how to satisfy it – pops up the word so often associated with needy: high-maintenance.
Male disapproval of needy women has clearly been established, but it can be very confusing to women; it’s not like men want to avoid neediness altogether.
They still want women to make them feel wanted and needed or else they themselves will start to feel insecure.
Of course, for girls to figure out that sweet spot without some assistance from men will be pretty difficult, if not near impossible.
A Google search may help, but hey, it’s better if you and your partner discuss it face to face.
So, before the possibility of everlasting love is lost in a haze of miscommunication, talk about your individual needs as well as what you desire as a couple to ensure an emotionally sound relationship.
Any efforts to suppress the communication of emotions of either person will inevitably make the situation worse – including giving rise to an even more needy woman.
Another reason why men avoid needy women is that they don’t see insecurity as sexy. Confidence is key to turning a man on, and a woman who is clingy and emotionally needy is anything but sure of herself.
What Causes Neediness In a Relationship
Neediness can happen to anyone, society just associates it with women easily because they tend to be more emotional whereas men were conditioned to hide their softer side.
Even if you’re a male, one minute everything is fine and you’re self-assured and the next, you turn into someone who needs constant attention and confirmation.
So, what triggers this sudden need to be joined at the hip with your partner?
According to Nowland, the relationship expert mentioned earlier, it’s not a flaw or defect but rather behaviors that a person or couple revert to when they are insecure in themselves or are experiencing sinking self-worth.
Being in a relationship with the wrong person can turn a once self-confident person into a clingy partner.
As soon as you forget who you are and what you want from life, you should take a step back and figure out if the relationship itself is not the cause of your neediness.
If your partner minimizes or denies your needs, ignores you, talk to others about your relationship and what they are feeling, prefers to spend time with friends and not with you…all this (and more) can lead to you becoming a needy woman (or man).
Take a step back and search your heart to find out if you want to spend time with someone who makes you feel like that.
Signs You Are Being Needy
You are too compliant
If you’re over-eager, too nice and afraid to say no to him, you are coming across as if you don’t think you are worthy of his love for just being yourself.
You cancel your plans when he snaps his fingers; you pick up his dry cleaning; you buy him coffee daily and drop it off at his office… Is all that really necessary to feel secure in a relationship with him?
The outcome of being too affectionate and loving and acting as if he is the only person in your life will most likely end in disappointment when he is not able or willing to reciprocate.
You give more than you get
You are first to text him good morning; you suggest spending time together most often; you even make sure to keep his favorite beer in your fridge.
Building on point one, you may think that being nice and accommodating will make him value you more, but as soon as you don’t get the same as what you give, those insecurities will creep in and with that – clinginess.
You make your uneasiness obvious
Constantly texting or calling and craving a man’s validation numerous times a day is not a good look on you, girl.
If he doesn’t happen to text back immediately or can’t answer his phone, you may immediately get jealous, anxious and start to mistrust him.
Your mind will run away with you and before you know it, you’re confronting him without any proof and for no reason at all.
You need to realize that he has a life of his own too and in that life, there are other people who he also wants to spend time with – and that is okay because he only has one girl and that is you.
You nag for affirmation
As soon as you feel he is not fulfilling your needs, you will start to get more clingy and your constant nagging for attention and confirmation of his feelings for you may suffocate him.
This behavior will most likely cause him to engage even less just to get some space from you.
It does not matter how much he loves you, acting overly possessive and unstable can negatively impact your relationship more than you can imagine.
It may even lead to the spark you once had as a couple disappearing; as soon as partners become too involved in each other’s lives, there’s breathing room for either of you and that can be damaging.
You have no boundaries
If you behave like a doormat, you’re going to get treated like one.
If you allow him to use you as a midnight booty call while ignoring you until the next time he needs some action, you’re setting a precedent for how you are willing to be treated.
Same goes if he cancels your Friday night date on number ninety-nine or calls you up to go out at the last minute and you actually end up going.
Don’t condone his mistreatment, you’re worth a lot more than that.
You stalk him
Do you constantly check out his social media profiles to see what he is getting up to? Have you asked him to see his phone to check if he’s cheating, or worse, looked at it without him knowing?
That is some very needy behavior and you can’t blame him if he gets irritated with you for acting so unsure of yourself and clingy.
They say the best type of relationship is one without a social presence, but if you’re lacking confidence, you will want to share every moment you spend with him with the whole world.
You might think there is nothing wrong with sharing what you two lovebirds are getting up to, but you can be sure that it will come across as needy and possessive – not just to him, but to the world.
9 Ways To Stop Being Needy
- Realize they are with you because they want to be. You won’t spend time with someone you don’t want to be with, will you
So why do you think that is what he is doing? You don’t need to hear from him every day to know that there is love in the air.
- Don’t stop living your own life. You’re a secure and fierce woman and don’t forget that. You have your own separate life and although it is nice to be a ‘we’, YOU are all you really need.
- Give each other space. If your man asks for space, give it to him without taking it personally.
- Trust is key. If he doesn’t answer immediately, it does not mean he is with another woman.
It’s highly likely that he is working hard on building his dream career and going on with his life, and in fact, you should put down your phone and get on with your life too!
- Stop overthinking and analyzing his every move. One day he answers a text with ‘k’ and you think it is the end of the world; has he stopped caring; does he hate you?
Nope, maybe he was actually being considerate and thought saying ‘k’ is better than leaving you hanging until he had time to respond in actual words.
- Keep yourself busy. Take up a yoga class, start knitting, baking, painting or search for something nearby that really interests you… Just do something to make your world stop revolving around him.
- Have some alone time. ‘Me’ time is very important even when you’re in a relationship.
It is in the same vein as giving your partner space but with something special for you mixed in; take a bubble bath, go for a walk, read a nice book. Do something that will recharge you and make you a better partner.
- Go out with your friends. You can’t vent to your boyfriend about him, can you? So, organize a girls’ night out; sometimes talking is all you need to get some perspective.
- Take a breath and relax. There’s nothing like the perfect relationship so take some pressure off and enjoy your time together without specific expectations.
After reading this article you should be well on your way to spot clingy behavior and fix it before it ruins a perfectly great relationship.
Keep in mind that it is nice to have a man but you don’t NEED one to be sure of yourself. That, in a nutshell, is how you will beat any insecurities that will lead to neediness.