Why Women Pull Away: Find Out Why, and Learn What to Do

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Dating is complicated no matter what, so it becomes even more frustrating when the person you’re with or interested in starts pulling away for reasons you can’t even fathom.

It can be scary especially when it’s someone you’re genuinely invested in and care about.

So, here we’ll go over the common reasons women pull away. Some are mild and easily rectified. Others are more serious and may require more urgent action. 

Either way, read on to learn how to handle a woman who may be pulling away. 

Common Reasons Why Women Pull Away

If you feel like a woman is pulling away from you, it’s time to think a little deeper about your relationship, your actions, and how things have been going recently.

There are many, many reasons women can start to pull away, but these are some of the most common and most likely: 

She wants you to chase her 

Her pulling away may be a bit of a test of sorts. If she’s questioning your commitment or your feelings for her, she may pull away simply to see how you react. 

In this case, she’s hoping that you’ll chase her. She’s hoping that you’ll prove yourself in your attempts to pull her back in. This may be seen as manipulation, or it may be coming from a place of insecurity.

You’re not supporting her properly 

It may very well be unintentional, but it could be that you’re not giving her enough support. If she’s not feeling supported, she may start to pull away automatically. 

You seem too available to others

You may be causing her to think you’re available to other girls as well as her. Especially in the early stages of a relationship, it’s crucial to find a balance. You don’t want to come on too strong too quickly, but you don’t want to be cold either. 

If she feels like you’re open to other relationships as well, she won’t want to be as invested in you. 

You’re not taking the relationship seriously

If you’re in a committed relationship but not putting in the necessary work and effort, she’ll pull away. This could mean blowing off dates, not engaging in serious conversations, or any number of things. 

Take some time to analyze yourself and whether or not you’re taking the relationship seriously enough. 

She’s not sure about you

It could be as simple as her not being sure about you/the relationship in general. It’s not necessarily one single thing you’ve done. She may just be questioning your compatibility. 

If this is the case, you two should have a conversation sooner rather than later about where the relationship is going.

You’re spending too much time together

It’s often true that new couples want to spend all their time together while they’re in the honeymoon phase. But, this isn’t sustainable. Everyone needs at least some alone time, and social life, and time to do other things. 

If you’re vying for one hundred percent of her attention and continuously need to be with her, she may pull away because it’s just becoming too much. 

She’s bored

Maybe, she’s bored. You don’t need to do exciting, lavish, and extravagant things all the time. But you should keep things interesting. Go for walks, try a new restaurant, play a board game. The solution can be simple, and it doesn’t have to be expensive.

But if all you’ve done every weekend for weeks is to stay in and watch a movie at home, she’ll start to feel stuck. 

Your attention is elsewhere

While no partner should demand your undivided attention 100 percent of the time, they should be your main priority. If the bulk of your attention seems to be falling on something else, she will pull away. 

This can be anything from video games, friends, school, or work. Working isn’t bad, but you shouldn’t be staying in the office until 9 pm every night. If school is your focus, maybe you’re not in the place for a relationship right now. 

If she’s been pulling away, take a moment and analyze your true priorities. 

You’re not interested in her friends

Her close friends are important to her. If you’re uninterested in getting to know them, she’ll pull away. She’ll pull away because her friends are there to stay. If you can’t be bothered with them, it tells her you don’t care about what’s important to her. 

You should make an effort to get to know her close friends. Go with her to hang out with them sometimes and be a part of the group.

If there’s a friend of hers you don’t like as much or don’t click with, whatever you do, remain respectful. It’ll go a long way. 

You’re not interested in her family

Much like her friends, her family is important to her and most likely isn’t going anywhere. The same thing applies when it comes to her family, perhaps even more so. Make an effort to get to know them. 

Attend family gatherings and events when you’re invited, and treat everyone with respect. 

You don’t listen well

It should go without saying that communication is important in a relationship, and communication goes two ways. You should be communicating your thoughts, feelings, and opinions with her, for sure. 

But if she’s pulling away, perhaps you haven’t been listening well enough to her. Listening doesn’t just mean sitting there and hearing what she says, either. Listening means understanding, considering, and retaining what she says and responding to it appropriately. 

You aren’t making sacrifices

Relationships often require sacrifice at some point. If you and your girlfriend have reached some circumstances that required compromise or sacrifice and you’ve refused, this makes her feel unloved and unappreciated and she will no doubt pull away. 

There are, of course, things you shouldn’t sacrifice for anyone. Things like your beliefs, morals, or your own well-being. However, are you willing to make sacrifices for her at all? If the answer is no, she can tell. 

You’re too controlling

This is huge and is usually a deal-breaker for any woman. While there are parts of each other’s lives that couples can and should have some influence over, you should never make an attempt to personally control anything. 

If you’re being too controlling, about anything in her life, she will definitely start to pull away. This can be things like her wardrobe, her social life, her friends, etc. Do not try to take control of anything in her life. 

You’re holding her back

Partners are supposed to grow together and lift each other up. If you’re holding her back in any way, she’ll pull away so that she can continue to grow. 

This can be holding her back in her career, or not supporting her attempts to grow as a person. If you’re just drifting through life with no ambition or effort being made, she may start feeling stuck and unable to move forward with you at her side. 

You won’t commit

If enough time has passed and you two are growing closer, it only makes sense that a true, genuine commitment takes place at some point. If you’re not willing to commit, she’ll start pulling away eventually. 

Whether you’re afraid or simply don’t want to, this warrants a conversation so that the two of you can get on the same page. 

She’s interested in someone else

If this is the case there’s not much you can do, unfortunately. It may be that she’s simply become interested in someone else. If she has but she’s not one hundred percent sure about it, she’ll start pulling away. 

She can’t see a future with you

Most people come to a point in their life where they’re done with dating all kinds of people and having multiple casual flings. They want to find a serious, committed person with whom they can build a life and a future. 

If for whatever reason, she realizes she sees no future with you, she will begin to pull away.

Unfortunately, there may not be anything you can do here. It may not be anything specific you’ve done or said, she may just not see a future, and that’s her decision. 

You aren’t opening up

Not everyone is good at expressing emotions and getting vulnerable, but at some point you do have to try.

If you’re trying to deepen the relationship but you refuse to open up to her about anything real and authentic, she may get tired of trying to reach you and start to pull away. 

She’s feeling underappreciated

Relationships take work. They require physical, emotional, and mental effort from both of you. If you’re not expressing yourself and making sure she knows how you feel about her, it will come across like you don’t appreciate her and she’ll pull away. 

You’re smothering her

Lastly, it could be that you’re smothering her. This can come in the form of too much clingy attention, too much time, or putting too much pressure on her, just too much of anything, really. No matter how much you two love each other, no one wants to be smothered in any way. 

If she’s feeling at all smothered, she’ll pull away to try and get some space and take a breather.

What to Do When She’s Pulling Away

As you can see from the above list of common reasons, not everything has a clear-cut solution. There are many situations where there’s no going back, even if it’s not necessarily your fault. 

That being said, it’s most often a temporary situation and how you react to her pulling away will determine how long, and how severely she stays withdrawn. 

Before anything else, you need to find out why she’s pulling away. In most cases, all it needs is a simple conversation to get started. 

Once you’re talking about it, give her your full and undivided attention. Let her express everything, and get the conversation started. Once you guys talk it out, you should have a better understanding of what’s going on. 

Depending on the reason, there may be things you can do to improve and strengthen the relationship and close the distance between you. Or, perhaps it was simply meant to end. Either way, you must respect her position and her final decision. 

If you choose not to end things, it’s also important that you give her the space she wants or needs. 

Pulling Away vs. Losing Interest

A lot of times, it may look like the same thing but it’s important to understand the difference between pulling away and losing interest

When a woman is pulling away, it’s most often because she has an issue with the relationship but she does want to fix it if it’s fixable. This isn’t always the case, but there is usually the hope of saving the relationship. 

If she’s losing interest, there isn’t always as much you can do to salvage things. She might slowly pull away in the beginning because she hasn’t made a firm decision yet, but the process has started. 

Of course, you can always talk to her and find out what made her lose interest. From there, perhaps you can work towards a change or a solution. But, more often than not, if she’s lost interest, that’s it. 

Frequently Asked Questions: Short Answers

What do you do when a girl pushes you away?

The best thing to do here is to talk to them and find out why they’ve started pushing you away. 

Why do I push away someone I love?

There are many reasons for this. It could be due to fear of commitment, fear of getting hurt, fear of intimacy, or a lack of trust due to past relationship trauma. 

Why do guys act distant when they like you?

There are several possible reasons for this. First, it could be due to low levels of confidence. If he’s not sure of himself, he’ll distance himself for fear of being embarrassed or feeling anxious. 

Or, it could be that he’s afraid of opening up and getting emotional. It’s unfortunate, but many men struggle to express their feelings properly and are afraid of being vulnerable. For this reason, it’s often easier for them to run away than confront their feelings for you. 

Do guys go quiet when they like a girl?

Some of them do, yes. It could mean that they’re incredibly shy, aren’t confident in themselves, or perhaps simply don’t know what to say. If they really like a girl, they might prefer to stay quiet and say nothing rather than say something she might not like. 

How do you not freak out when a guy pulls away?

Of course, a natural reaction to a guy pulling away is to panic. But, that’s far from the best reaction. First of all, take a breath and remind yourself not to panic. 

Then, take a step back to see what’s really going on. Did something happen in his life? It could very well have nothing to do with you at all. 

If that’s not the case, it just comes down to having a calm and rational conversation with him. Don’t jump to judgment and don’t be aggressive, just try to find out what’s going on. 

The sooner you have the conversation, the better you’ll feel and the less inclined you’ll be to freak out. 

Is he losing interest or just busy?

This is a question that can plague your mind for a long time. But, you can be on the lookout for some signs that tell you if he’s truly avoiding you or if he’s legitimately busy. 

Does he make silly excuses not to see you, or is he dealing with real-life issues or work obligations? Silly excuses are a bad sign. 

Even if he’s extremely busy, he’ll take a moment at the beginning or end of the day to send you a message. One or two messages hardly take any time at all so if he truly does care, he’ll make sure he does this, at the very least. 

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