You go to a place where you used to hang out with your girlfriend. Then you hear a song that she loves. And then you see this movie which you both loved. All these things made you say, “I miss my ex-girlfriend.”
Going through a breakup is tough. Especially if you really loved your girlfriend. In this article, you’ll learn more about missing your ex-flame and what to do about it.
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Things to do when you miss your ex
During this time of the COVID-19 pandemic, you might have thought about your ex. And you might have even thought of sending her a message.
It’s not uncommon, though. Many exes are reconnecting during this time of the pandemic.
But let’s say you are firm with your decision. You don’t want a reconciliation. What would you do now when you’re missing your ex?
Interacting with other people
One is to interact with other people. Your heart may be longing for your ex-flame. It’s normal to feel that way from time to time. This is particularly true if the breakup was recent.
But your girlfriend isn’t irreplaceable. She’s not the only one who can give you emotional support. You can turn to your friends and loved ones.
They can offer compassion and empathy. They can support you emotionally. They can listen to your rants. And they can join you in activities to take your mind off your ex.
Engaging in a New Hobby
You can also engage in a new hobby. Find an activity that you enjoy. This can provide a positive distraction.
You will be able to cope with the pain of missing your girlfriend.
Doing Something You’re Interested In
You should focus on your own interest. Don’t get into a hobby which you used to enjoy with your girlfriend. Doing so would only backfire.
You can get into outdoor activities like hiking and birdwatching. You might also want to take up a new sport. You can get into art or craft projects. Or maybe you want to improve your DIY skills. You can then try home improvement projects.
Meeting New People
It’s also best to make new friends. Cultivating new connections will help you forget your ex-girlfriend. Revive your social life.
Find time for people who you find interesting and enjoyable to be with. You can join a club. You can try apps like Friender.
Getting over your ex-girlfriend
You’ve tried the suggestions above. But you still can’t stop thinking about her. It seems that you’re going crazy about her. You can’t get over your ex-girlfriend. What should you do now?
There are many dating apps that you can try. Many guys will tell you that the best way to get over a girl is to find a new one. If you feel lonely, then perhaps getting a new date can help fill that void.
Of course, you must ask yourself: “am I ready to date again?” This is important. You don’t want to get into an emotional mess by dating someone prematurely.
Here’s how to know if you’re ready to date again.
Imagine making out with someone. Can you envision it? If so, then you can start exploring. But if it pains you, then you should give yourself more time. Dating may not be the solution to your dilemma.
You can also forget her by not daydreaming about her. Constantly thinking about her prevents you from moving forward. Relationship therapist Courtney Geter says it means you’re not over your ex.
She suggests keeping a dream journal. List down your dreams in that journal. Then if possible, consult a therapist. The professional can help you find out your inner feelings.
If you can’t see a therapist, don’t throw that journal. You can still use it in writing your feelings. Do this whenever you feel sad or lonely. Express your emotions. It’s one of the best ways to get over it.
It can also help you stop obsessing over your ex. Pour your feelings onto the paper. After writing down your feelings, burn the paper. Feed it to your dog. Or you can keep it somewhere. The point is, you’d want to get rid of those emotions.
You should also consider hitting the gym. We all know that going through a breakup is stressful. You can cope with the stress by working out.
Many people say working out lowers stress. Of course, working out can distract you. It helps get your mind off her.
There’s another motivation for working out. It can make you look better physically. You’ll be able to shed off unwanted pounds. You’ll add more muscles. And these can make you look more attractive to the opposite sex.
Working out not only benefits you physically. It’s also good for your mental health.
When you take a new routine, it helps restore a sense of calm. It makes you focused and organized. And you’ll gain more confidence. You’ll feel better about yourself. You’ll look better in that tight-fitting shirt!
Missing an Ex Who Badly Treated You
Don’t blame yourself if you still miss an ex despite her many shortcomings.
Many guys have been there before. And even girls, for that matter. People usually miss the bad relationships they’ve had. And not exactly the person who badly treated them.
According to relationship expert Kevin Darne, people who can’t move on are hoping for a reconciliation. He argues that this is true for people who were badly treated by their exes.
He adds that this thinking can be blamed on romantic movies. He says Hollywood has promoted breakups as a stepping stone to successful relationships.
But he says that this isn’t always the case in real life. If you’re still hoping that you can get back together with your ex, then you’re just hurting yourself.
Is your ex on social media? Are you friends on Facebook? Do you follow her Instagram account? If yes, then it’s another reason why you’re missing her.
Relationship expert Erika Ettin says you should not be connected with your ex on social media. Unfollow her on Instagram. Unfriend her on Facebook. Do this now!
Loneliness is also a reason why you’re feeling this way, says Ettin. As such, she recommends that you focus on yourself instead of your ex.
One way to do this is to love yourself. Get back into the hobbies you love. Treat yourself. Or reconnect with your old pals. She says it’s better to be alone than being with the wrong person.
Physiologist Niels Eek has another explanation. According to him, humans are social species.
We find it hard to walk away from people. This is very much true for the people we’ve loved. Therefore, it’s hard for you to forget your ex even if she treated you so poorly.
It’s also possible that you dread being single. Your fear of being alone makes you miss her.
There’s a study about people who fear being single. It showed that their fear makes them think more of their ex-partners. You must get over that fear first if you want to forget your ex-flame.
Lastly, you may be missing your ex because you don’t have closure. It knows the reason why the relationship ended.
Dr. Mariana Bockarova explains that you need closure at the end of a relationship. It’s the best way to understand why you broke up with your ex-girlfriend.
Telling Your Ex You Miss Her
But what if your ex didn’t treat you poorly? What if you broke up for other reasons? But yet, you still miss her. And you still can’t let it go. Should you try to win your ex-girlfriend back? Should you pursue a reconciliation?
Before getting in touch with her, you should check first if she’s still single. This is very much true if you’re planning on getting her back. Suffice to say. You can’t pursue her if she’s already in a new relationship.
Couple psychotherapist Dr. Fran Walfish says it’s okay to text your ex on certain conditions. One is that there are signs you’re headed to a reconciliation. If she hurt you, then she should be sorry for it.
The same goes for you, assuming you’re the one who hurt her. Walash also adds that your ex should show a willingness to change her ways.
Relationship coach Chris Armstrong, meanwhile, says it’s alright to text your ex if the split was amicable. In fact, he says you shouldn’t wait too long to text your ex.
Doing so would only make things awkward for you. He suggests building a bridge between the relationship and a friendship. Give yourself a few days or weeks before texting her. This should be a good start towards a platonic relationship.
Armstrong says it’s okay to text your ex-girlfriend on her birthday. You can also do it during the holidays. This is one way to start the transition from a failed relationship to friendship.
But he doesn’t recommend texting your ex if one of you is still hurting. Also, he warns against texting your ex in the morning or at night. He says texting during these times of the day is reserved for people with a deeper relationship.
Now let’s say you’re ready to text your ex. You miss her so much that you can’t wait to reach out to her. What should you do now?
The rule of thumb is never to text “I miss you” to your ex. This would make you look pitiful. You can start with a simple hi and hello. Then you can ask her how she’s doing.
You may also greet her on special occasions. Texting her that you miss her is not needed. The mere fact you texted means you’re missing her.
Your text messages should come across as calm and composed. You want her to think that you’re chill. And that you’re not hurting.
This should keep the conversation going. And this will increase the likelihood you’ll talk with each other. If you start your messages by being emotional, your former flame won’t likely respond.
You should also keep your guard. This means your former flame shouldn’t notice that you want her back. Screen your messages. It should not make her feel you’re hurting. Worse, it shouldn’t feel like you want her to come back.
But what if she’s not responding? Should you look for someone else?
Well, if you’re not getting any response from her, stop texting her. Don’t force her to talk to you. The absence of any response means she’s not interested.
It’s okay to miss her but face reality. You won’t be getting back together. It’s time to move on and find someone else. As they say, there are plenty of fishes in the ocean. It’s time to find a new relationship.
Frequently Asked Questions
1. Is it okay to tell your ex that you miss her?
This depends on several factors. First, you should both be single. Second, your ex should be open to hearing from you. Third, your gut instinct tells you to do so.
2. What to do when you really miss your ex?
Ask yourself first: are you willing to talk to her? If she was willing to talk to you, too? Then you can take your next steps depending on your answer to these questions.
3. Why do I miss my ex when she treated me so badly?
You may just be lonely. It’s also possible that you are hoping for a reconciliation. Or you may be asking for closure to your relationship.
4. How do you get over an ex-girlfriend you still love?
As they say, time heals all wounds. Give yourself enough time to get over her.
Find a new hobby. Reconnect with old friends and family. If you’re ready, you can go back to the dating scene. These are some of the things you can do to get over your old flame.