Two words can make any man’s blood boil— cheating girlfriend. Let’s face it: being cheated on is not only painful but also humiliating. Many people say that it is the worst feeling in the world. It can hurt your ego and even question yourself.
But we all know that infidelity in couples is as common as bonfires on the beach during summer.
One study conducted by researchers at the University of Denver in 2013 showed that 14% of individuals in a relationship cheated on their partners. Moreover, 43% of the couples surveyed for the research broke up after one of them cheated.
Do you know that a man is more likely to cheat than a woman? According to a recent General Social Survey, 20% of men say they’ve created. Meanwhile, only 13% of women who participated in the survey admitted they cheated on their partners.
Why do women cheat?
While cheating girlfriends aren’t new, you might wonder why women cheat on their mates.
For a man like you, the reason is pretty obvious. You might not want to admit it, but you’ve likely been tempted to get close with someone because you want to sleep with her.
But is this the same reason for women?
Cheating in women is brought about by many factors such as boredom and revenge for a cheating partner. However, most experts say that it is because women are searching for an emotional connection.
Author and biological anthropologist Helen Fisher says that unhappy women are most likely to have an affair outside their current relationships.
She says that women are also more likely to have an emotional connection with their lovers, unlike men who are only in it for physical motivations.
Clinical sexologist Robert Weiss Ph.D. agrees. He adds that lonely women may have partners who work for long hours.
Their partners are also not at home for extended periods. These lonely women might seek a connection through other men to fill the void, so to speak.
He also writes that a cheating girlfriend feels ignored, neglected, or underappreciated. These feelings push them to look for a relationship that validates their existence.
He adds that women who want to leave a relationship resort to infidelity. Rather than initiating the breakup, they force their partners to make the decision by cheating on them.
And he says there are also women who want to have a new relationship lined up before breaking up with their current partners.
What is Cheating?
But before we discuss the signs of a cheating girlfriend, let’s define cheating first.
What constitutes cheating? Is the exchange of flirty text messages with another guy already cheating? Or should there be an intimate relationship first before you can consider your girlfriend to be a cheater?
Cheating can take on many forms and definitions. British dating advisor Patrick Banks writes that cheating is a betrayal of trust.
For him, it doesn’t matter if a girl had slept with another person or not. It can be a mere online flirt. But as long as the girl betrayed his boyfriend’s trust, then it is already cheating.
Dating experts in Britain say there are five types of cheating. There’s physical cheating, which basically means getting intimate with someone. Having intimate fantasies and romantic feelings about someone else are also types of cheating.
Hiding spending habits from a partner is also a type of cheating. It’s also called financial infidelity. And lastly, secret social media activity is a form of cheating.
This means that a person is cheating when she exchanges messages with other people on social media without the knowledge of her partner.
Life coach Rick Clemons, meanwhile, says that the definition of cheating depends on the person involved. He notes that some of his clients think that merely watching porn without the consent of their partners is already cheating.
Others think that there should be physical intimacy involved.
In short, it’s really up to you and your partner to determine what constitutes cheating.
How can you tell that your girlfriend is cheating on you?
It can be quite a challenge to detect a girlfriend cheating on you. Don’t worry as we list down some of the best tell-tale signs that your girl is cheating on you.
She’s too secretive.
Has your girlfriend become too unforthcoming the past few weeks? Have you caught her hiding details from you like the yoga class she recently joined? Do you feel like she’s not telling you intimate details as of late? Then your girlfriend may be cheating.
Marriage and family therapist and author Lesli Doares notes that at times, a cheating girlfriend might not even be aware that she’s no longer sharing details of her day with her boyfriend.
Another author and clinical psychologist, John Mayer, adds that a woman usually shares what happened to her for a particular period with her boyfriend. But if she’s cheating, she usually does this with her new fling.
Less communication is a red flag for relationships, says clinical psychologist Dr. Nikki Martinez.
She adds this is especially true if your girlfriend was open with you before. She notes that the change in attitude towards communication might mean that she’s no longer emotionally connected with you.
She’s Always Distracted
Let’s say that nothing has changed as far as communication with you and your girlfriend. You’re still talking to each other frequently. But you can’t help but notice that she seems distracted most of the time. It appears like her mind is somewhere else when you talk to her.
At times, you have to repeat things to her because she often gets lost in the conversation. And you’ve noticed that she no longer looks you straight in the eyes.
Your once attentive and caring girlfriend might have also stopped showing interest in your stories. She has suddenly stopped caring about your family. Or she looks disinterested in your stories about your colleagues and workplace.
In short, if your girlfriend is always distracted when you’re around, then it can mean that she’s thinking of someone else.
It’s Hard to Reach Out to Her
Your girlfriend has also stopped being the good, ole shoulder to lean on. In the past, you can call her any time of the day. She would find a way to talk to you even during office hours. But now, she won’t even try to pick up the phone when you ring her.
Changes in her lifestyle may explain this. It’s probable that her new job makes it more difficult for her to talk to you. But if there are no significant changes to explain the sudden shifts in her attitude, then your girlfriend may already be cheating on you.
This can also be questionable, especially when your girlfriend used to give her time to you. But now, you can’t even get to talk to her. And when she talks to you, the conversation is either short or boring. It’s as if she doesn’t want to talk to you at all.
According to psychologist and author Paul Coleman, cheaters need lots of uninterrupted time.
He argues that it is common for a cheating girlfriend to be periodically unreachable. This makes sense because your girlfriend doesn’t want you to hear someone else’s voice in the background.
Relationship expert Lisa Concepcion adds that cheating girlfriends usually play a game of hide-and-seek. She argues that with the emergence of high tech phones, partners need to connect regularly.
Let’s take your case, for instance. You can easily send a text message to check your girlfriend’s whereabouts. You can also chat with her on Facebook Messenger. And if everything else fails, you can give her a call.
But when you can’t reach your girlfriend for an extended period, then she may be too busy with something or even someone else.
There’s a noticeable change in her libido.
You may likely be getting less action with her, and this has prompted you to question your girlfriend’s infidelity. You don’t need to be a rocket scientist to understand that your girlfriend’s sudden lack of interest in intimacy means she’s no longer into you.
Worse, the lack of intimacy between you may be due to her getting action from someone else.
But even the sudden increase in her libido may be one indicator that she’s cheating.
Coleman says that girlfriends cheating on their boyfriends increase their lovemaking because they’re guilt-stricken. They want to cover their tracks, and they do so by engaging their boyfriends in more intimate moments.
One relationship expert, Yvonne Filler, agrees. She says that philanderers tend to become more romantic with their partners. She adds that this is not only due to guilt.
It is also because a cheating person has renewed sex drive thanks to his or her illicit affair.
There are changes in her phone habits, too.
Is your girlfriend suddenly overly protective of her phone? You might remember that in the past, she would not even care if she left her phone on the sofa. Or she wouldn’t mind if you saw some of her received messages.
But now, you notice that her phone is always in her hands. It’s like she can’t live without it.
Clinical psychologist Andrea Bonior says that cheating girlfriends and boyfriends are physically possessive of their phones.
She writes that these people usually have a heightened vigilance, afraid of getting caught by their partners. She adds that at times, cheating girlfriends or boyfriends close browser windows or even use passwords and PIN in their phones.
Aside from her sudden change in attitude towards her phone, you might have noticed that she can’t stop texting. Worse, she even has to go to another place like the bathroom to text or receive a call.
These may suggest that your girlfriend is hiding something from you.
Dr. Tracey Phillips, a counselor, and the therapist, says hiding things on the phone may suggest that a girlfriend is cheating. She argues that a cheating girlfriend may be trying to avoid receiving a call or text from her fling and in the presence of her boyfriend.
Additionally, she may also get mad at you when you bring up the issue of her phone. She may get on the defensive that she tries to accuse you of invading her privacy. This is one tactic that a cheating partner usually resorts to, according to Bonior.
She has new friends.
Let’s be clear about this: being friendly isn’t a bad thing. You also want your girlfriend to be independent and spend time away from you. It’s healthy not only for her but for your relationship.
The problem is when she goes out with her new friends all the time. It indicates that she’s enjoying the company of her new pals to the point that she’s no longer giving you enough quality time. It is even more alarming when you haven’t met her new friends.
But what if you personally know her new friends? Should you still be concerned? Yes, if she wants to keep you home while she meets with her friends. It can mean that her pals are uncomfortable with you because they know what she’s been up to.
Weiss explains that a cheater’s friends are often the first ones to know about the infidelity. And this knowledge causes those friends to feel uncomfortable when they are with you.
Most of the time, a girlfriend who’s very secretive with the details of her meetings with friends are hiding something.
She’s not sure who will be present at the dinner. She’s not sure what movie they’ll watch. And she has no clue what time they’ll go home. All of these are signs that she’s playing the innocent card and trying hard to hide her affair.
You’ve frequently been fighting.
Again, you don’t need to be a relationship guru or expert to understand that frequent spats may indicate cracks in your relationships.
If your girlfriend has been in a combative mode these days, it could be her way to make you feel that your relationship is headed nowhere. It’s possible that she simply wants you to be the first one to leave the relationship.
There are also times when it feels like a girlfriend is fighting with you because she finds you extremely irritating. This is truly disheartening. It can mean that she no longer finds you lovable and compatible. It may also suggest that she compares you to her new lover.
What should I do if my girlfriend cheated on me?
Now that you have learned about the signs of a cheating girlfriend, you may now ask: “what should I do when I’ve confirmed that my girlfriend is cheating on me?”
Discovering that your girlfriend cheated on you is distressing. It’s easy to imagine how hurt and devastated you are upon realizing that the one you love is cheating on you. The pain may be too unbearable that you’d likely decide to break up with her.
However, your gut instinct isn’t always the right move. You may be hurt right now, but there are other things you need to consider before deciding on the fate of your relationship with a cheating girlfriend.
One dating, Sam Whittaker, says you should not rush into a decision. He suggests doing a few things to clear your head, like getting to the gym or seeing a few movies. You can also spend time away with your family and friends.
He adds that you should demand space from your girlfriend. This would give you enough time and space to calm yourself and make the best decision. After all, it is a decision that is yours to make, and not your girlfriend.
Getting advice from people you trust should also help your cause. Sometimes, it pays to hear from a person who’s not involved in the fracas. He or she can give you a different perspective, one that could be completely opposite to yours.
Perhaps your friend has been through the same situation before. Your friend may be understanding what you feel now. His insights would help you in better understanding the situation and why she did it to you.
And even if he can’t offer sage advice, a little sympathy from your inner circle can go a long way.
But this doesn’t mean that you will let other people make the decision for you. As Whittaker puts it, the decision as to break up with or forgive your partner is still up to you.
When things have cooled down, and you feel that you are ready to talk to your girlfriend, try to contact her. Of course, she must also be willing to talk to you about what happened.
Try to be man enough to arrange a face-to-face talk with your partner. Confronting a cheating girlfriend is something you don’t want to do over the phone.
When you confront her in person, you can see her body language, including facial expressions. These things will give you lots of clues about her real feelings.
Before meeting up with her, make sure that you have all your facts straight. It also helps if you have hard evidence like screenshots of her conversations. The last thing you want to happen is her denying your accusations and making up stories.
During the confrontation, make sure that you are focusing on the source of the dilemma– your girlfriend. Keep your focus away from the third party. The other man isn’t your problem now; it’s your girlfriend.
But what if your cheating girlfriend doesn’t want to talk to you at all? What if she becomes angry or defensive when you try to reach out? Well, this is a good sign that she does not want the relationship to continue.
Should you forgive a cheating girlfriend?
Should a man forgive a woman who cheated on her? You’d be surprised to learn that many guys have done it in the past. Most forgave their partners who admitted their shortcomings and showed remorse. Others did it because they simply love their partners.
Clinical psychologist Stephen Diamond writes that one should come completely clean with the infidelity and take full responsibility for it. He adds that the cheater should beg for the cheated party’s forgiveness.
He also adds that both parties must address any pre-existing issues in the relationship before the affair.
If your girlfriend has complained about your lack of time for her, then you should also consider giving her more quality time. These issues need to be resolved if there’s any chance to save the relationship.
Diamond adds that the hardest part of saving a relationship is rebuilding trust. He says that trust should not be freely given again, especially after a girlfriend cheats.
It should be a privilege and not a right. Calling it a glue that holds a relationship together, he says trust must be earned again if the couple is to rebuild their relationship.
Diamond even goes on to say that trust is even more important than love when deciding on a possible reconciliation.
If you feel like you can still trust your girlfriend, then you may find a place in your heart to forgive her. But if you can’t, then you would find it hard to forgive her for cheating on you.
Again, it’s only you who can answer the question, “should I forgive a cheating girlfriend?” If you feel like you can still trust and love her, then you can do so. But if you can’t, then there’s no reason to stay in the relationship.
